Finding the Strength

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” 
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

I won’t go into a lot of details about what happened. There’s much I could tell, but it doesn’t need to be told. On February 22, I left my home of Pottsville, Arkansas for what I thought would be the greener pastures of Altura, Minnesota. I went to go be with my fiance of four years and we were finally going to get married. I will leave it at this: we mutually decided that it would be best if we broke up. I tell you all of this to tell you that after being broken, I am finding the strength to come back home and start over. In this I’ve questioned God and received no answer. I’ve disappointed myself and I’ve disappointed my loved ones. I feel as though I have nothing left except and I suppose, in the end, that’s all I really need. I don’t need man’s approval. I need God’s approval and forgiveness and I believe I have that now. We all make mistakes. I just need to take the life lessons I’ve learned and move on. 

Waiting at the BP gas station in Plainview, Minnesota, I opened up my Bible and read Jeremiah 12:1 in this translation. 

“You will be in the right, O Lord,
   when I lay charges against you;
   but let me put my case to you.
Why does the way of the guilty prosper?
   Why do all who are treacherous thrive?” 

–  [Jeremiah 12:1 NRSV]

The first thing that I noticed were the words, “You will be right…”. Jeremiah is complaining to God and before saying anything he admits that God will be right no matter what he says to Him. This begs the question, why are you going to argue with someone that you know will be right in the end. The only conclusion I can think of is that it just makes you feel better to get your feelings off of your chest. When I talk to God about my situation I know that He knows what is best. I know that it is His will and for my betterment to go through what I’m going through but sometimes it just makes me feel better to bring my case before God to just talk and bring my case before him because I know He loves me and in the end, He will still be just and loving. 

“…you have judged in my favor;
    from your throne you have judged with fairness.” 

-[Psalm 9:4 NLT]


Author: W Logan Dixon

30. Simul Justus et Peccator. Husband. Pastor. Thinker. Writer. Podcaster. Coffee-drinker.

One thought on “Finding the Strength”

  1. Logan I am very sadden to hear of your struggles.. I myself have been there and it’s gut wrenchingly hard place to be.. Thank God it’s only for a season. My advice to you is to get excited. I know that probably is easier said than done. But there’s one thing I know to depend on and that is that God has a time table that throws all of us for a major loop at times. I thought I had my life all figured out I had the perfect family the so called wonderful husband and two beautiful children and all the sudden the bottom dropped out. I was hurt confused and ashamed of what people would say and mostly how to start over again. I trapped hold of Jesus with all my might. I pleaded the blood I made a stand against the enemy for my marriage and even testified for everyone to watch an see God will reconcile my family guess what I was wrong. All through the process God would speak but I was so blinded that I just kept applying his words to the situation that was in front of me. God would give me glimpses of his plan but my feeble mind could never grasp what he was doing because it didn’t fit the picture that I had and guess what when it was all obvious that no my family would never be reconciled .. I was mad with God because he made me out to look like a fool so I felt the mad ness soon turned into bitterness. And I ran so deep into sin I decided that God had destined me to be miserable. But one day the hand of God reached down into my muck and mire and released me from my bitterness and he had me reflect on what really happened in my life. He actually put me on the path that he intend me to be on all the time. I saw that he was always faithfully there for me when I was going through worst days and what u couldn’t see before I saw then and Omg did my faith take flight and then my motto became … I don’t know how this situation will go down but I’m excited to be on the ride..because the end result will have me right where God wants me. One of the scriptures that I held dear and still do is my sheep know my voice and nothing will snatch them out of my hand. Through my trial I learned the distention of Gods voice over my desires and that brother is so worth the tears I cried.. I know the voice of my father, I know how to wait on his direction. Moses said to God I’ll not go anywhere without your presence God. Check out John 10:27-28 and Ex 33:14-15 and also Ex 33:18-23. Moses knew the importance of Gods presence in his life. He even asked God to show his glory to him, his presence was so good he wanted to see his face but he couldnt until he got exactly where God wanted him .. You see it’s on Gods terms always and just like you wrote Logan it is futile to argue with the one person who knows all. Surrender that’s what he’s looking for. Brokenness, submission all are his favorite. Because what he has in store is so much more glorious than what we can imagine. Remember the prodigal son. Jesus would not have taught that lesson to us if it wasn’t important. You know that Christ was the heart of God hear on earth and even Christ had to be broken down and had to die before he was able to be the impact that God had desired. But ow once he did he became so much more. The King of Kings.. So do ya see why I said get excited. Love ya brother and I am excited to see the next chapter in your life.


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