[Our scene opens up with a few select saints know from both the Old and New Testaments including, but not limited to, Paul and Jonah. They are observing an American pastor named Chris Chambers as he ‘preaches’ in the ‘pulpit’ of his church, Radiant Life Fellowship* on an average Sunday morning.]
Modern Pastor: God will never force you to do anything. God loves you so much that He would never force His will on you.
Paul: Hey Jonah, are listening to this?
Jonah: Did that guy just-
Jonah: He’s obviously never been caught in the belly of a whale.
Paul: Nor has he been knocked off his horse by the Son of God personally.
[scene cuts back to pastor]
Modern Pastor: You must invite Jesus to live in your heart to be saved!
[scene cuts back to Heaven]
Paul: You’ve got to be kidding me, right!?
Jonah: Wow… just.. wow…. we never told anyone to do that in my day, did you?
Paul: No way! We also told people to repent and believe the Gospel. Maybe one of the guys wasn’t clear about it. Let me check.
*yells behind him down a hallway*
Hey, did you guys never told anyone-
Barnabas, Silas, and John Mark: *in unison from the hallway* NOPE.
Paul: Yeah, that’s what I thought. This guy’s a loon. I don’t know where he got that.
*These names are made up. Feel free to replace them in your mind with any actual pastors and churches that come to mind.