“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald
I won’t go into a lot of details about what happened. There’s much I could tell, but it doesn’t need to be told. On February 22, I left my home of Pottsville, Arkansas for what I thought would be the greener pastures of Altura, Minnesota. I went to go be with my fiance of four years and we were finally going to get married. I will leave it at this: we mutually decided that it would be best if we broke up. I tell you all of this to tell you that after being broken, I am finding the strength to come back home and start over. In this I’ve questioned God and received no answer. I’ve disappointed myself and I’ve disappointed my loved ones. I feel as though I have nothing left except and I suppose, in the end, that’s all I really need. I don’t need man’s approval. I need God’s approval and forgiveness and I believe I have that now. We all make mistakes. I just need to take the life lessons I’ve learned and move on.
Waiting at the BP gas station in Plainview, Minnesota, I opened up my Bible and read Jeremiah 12:1 in this translation.
“You will be in the right, O Lord,
when I lay charges against you;
but let me put my case to you.
Why does the way of the guilty prosper?
Why do all who are treacherous thrive?”
– [Jeremiah 12:1 NRSV]
The first thing that I noticed were the words, “You will be right…”. Jeremiah is complaining to God and before saying anything he admits that God will be right no matter what he says to Him. This begs the question, why are you going to argue with someone that you know will be right in the end. The only conclusion I can think of is that it just makes you feel better to get your feelings off of your chest. When I talk to God about my situation I know that He knows what is best. I know that it is His will and for my betterment to go through what I’m going through but sometimes it just makes me feel better to bring my case before God to just talk and bring my case before him because I know He loves me and in the end, He will still be just and loving.
“…you have judged in my favor;
from your throne you have judged with fairness.”
-[Psalm 9:4 NLT]